Flattery & Gossip

Two things that far too often can get us into trouble!

Someone much wiser than me defines flattery as being someone saying things to your face that they would never say behind your back while gossip is someone saying things behind your back they would never say to your face.

Anytime you are willing to pass on information you are uncertain of its truthfulness, can come back to haunt you. More times than I want to remember, this has been my down fall and created stressful situations. Familiarity can lead to contempt. We shouldn't have to watch our tongues but the truth is we do. Let's say for example, the head coach questions you after the game about your substitution pattern. You don't appreciate it and you turn to other coaches on the staff, or the next day at school, you share your frustration with a teacher friend. BAD MOVE. There is an old saying I think applies well at this time. "What you say here, what you hear here, stays here when you leave here." If you have an issue with someone on the coaching staff, deal with them directly. I once interrupted one of our coaches in the middle of a drill because I thought the drill was a waste of time. I then directed him and his players into another drill. After that practice, when we were one on one, the coach I had interrupted made it very clear he did not appreciate my approach and he was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! It was my lack of sensitivity, but I would never have learned from the experience had he not confronted me with it.

One over ripe basketball will spoil the rest of them.

Jobs have been lost because of flattery and gossip. Trust and respect have been dissolved between people who once respected each other. Why? Because of poor judgement. Immature behavior. Insecurities. Need

I go on? A casual remark made to the wrong person about someone you coach with or about a player you coach can destroy a relationship. You may not agree with a decision made by a player's parent. You may not agree with a directive given by your A.D.. I can almost guarantee you will not agree with some of the decisions made by officials! Will your use of

flattery or gossip change anything? I don't know of any conflict being resolved by flattery or gossip. I do know of a number of problems created because of insincere flattery and unnecessary gossip.

In an attempt to further destroy my credibility, I want to use an illustration most of you probably won't relate well to. Growing up I watched a tv show called "Leave It to Beaver." One of the character's on the show was

a teenage boy called Eddie Haskell. He had a great flare for seizing many situations and turning them into classic forms of flattery. To say Eddie was a "con man" might be putting it mildly. I remember working with a teacher who would on occasion describe an encounter with one of his students by saying he (the teacher) had just been "Eddie Haskelled". Not exactly a flattering description. Yes, there are flatters out there who will say and do

things to gain your approval. Unfortunately, that's our world. Let's state the obvious. You cannot control others who are trying to use flattery to leverage their desires. You also have no control over those who feel a need to put someone else down by advancing gossip. You only can work on improving the motivation and standards reflected by your own speech.

I don't know where I heard this said but it has some merit. "Don't talk unless you can improve on silence." So with that thought, I end this blog post.