Myopic Vision

Often the focal point of the conflict between a parent(s) and the coach is because many parents have myopia. They (parents) also often suffer from "tunnel" vision. A coach and a parent tend to see the team from entirely different perspectives. A coach should have team concerns while parents

often have a singular concern. Parents are often concerned with their child's role on the team. As one coach said at a clinic I attended. "If the truth be know, most parents would rather have their child be named All State than the team go to state.

I have a document in my file called "14 Points

for Being a Key Parent." I do not know who

authored the document. But it has some great

advice for parents of athletes ....

14 Points for Being a Key Parent

1. Find a way to express how much you enjoy

watching your child play and how important you think being part of a

TEAM is.

2. Do not soften the blow for your child after a loss: If they lose teach them

to not make excuses, to learn from the loss and move on. Many times the

child moves on from the loss quicker than the parents. We get better

through set backs if we face our challenges head on. It also makes us

mentally tougher and more resilient …. two important life skills.

3. Teach them to be a part of something greater than themselves: Teach

them this by applauding their effort and their coachability. Do not coach

them to look to score, take over the game, show their talent or shoot more.

If you encourage them to be “me” players they will miss the experience of

being part of a team. Teamwork teaches humility and makes life work ….

all players need to learn it.

4. Do not coach your child: Coaching your child may confuse your child.

Allow them to experience how to deal with others. Encourage your child to

listen to the coach. The #1 advice I could give a parent is to find a program

where you agree with the philosophy of the coach and then allow them to

coach. A very simple definition of each person’s role puts it into

perspective: Players - play, Coaches - coach, Parents - support, Officials-

officiate. Make sure to play your role well and not someone else’s role.

5. Do not approach your child’s coach about playing time: Encourage your

child to speak with their coach. A coach should be honest with their

players about where they stand and what they need to do to improve.

Your job is not to approach the coach about playing time. Your child needs

to learn to advocate for themselves and learn how to communicate with

others. Remember that a player being a valuable member of the team is

important …. it is not all about playing time. Also, they may be a less

experienced player and may need to develop. Many players do not come

into their own until their senior year.

6. Do not compare your child to others, but encourage them to be the best

that they can be! If a parent is constantly trying to have their child be

better than someone else, the child will always be second best …. but if you

encourage your child to be the best they can be and compete to be that

everyday, they will get better and they will reach their potential!

7. Cheer for all …. and never speak negatively about your child or another

child or a coach: We would not want anyone to speak negatively about

our child, so do not speak of someone else’s child negatively.

8. Be self discipline: Sports are an emotional game. They can bring out the

best in us and the worse in us if we are not careful. Keep your emotions

under control. Would you want someone yelling at you from the stands?

Would you want someone yelling at you at work?

9. Let it be your child’s experience: In order to do so, we must acknowledge

that we can not control the experience of our child …. that is why it is

called an experience. When we experience something we will have good

times and bad times, great moments and average plays, we will deal with

victory and defeat …. allow your child to experience these highs and lows

in sport which will allow them to deal with the ups and downs of life …. if we

try to control the experience our child is not being prepared for life.

10. Teach them to play for the love of the game (Not a trophy): Teach your

child that they are playing for the love of the game, for their teammates,

for the love of competition …. think about if you could teach your child to

be a great competitor, a great teammate and to love what they do! ….

that would be special …. in youth sports we need to get away from the fact

that everyone gets a trophy …. if we do, we are teaching them to play for

the reward rather than understanding that the reward is playing the

game itself.

11. Focus on the process: Sports like life are a process …. and we need to

attack the process everyday to grow and get better …. the process

involved hard work, knowledge, attitude, perseverance, teamwork, coach

ability, dealing with success and failure …. and winning is the by product ….

in sports and in life.

12. Enjoy the journey of your child: Any journey we take is bound to have

great moments, some bad moments, and some moments that we laugh

at …. enjoy the journey with your child and do not agonize over every

single play, decision by the coach, a good game/bad game by the team

or your child. In ten years you will wish you were watching your child play

…. so enjoy the journey!

13. Be a parent, not a fan: Your child will make mistakes, your child is not

always perfect …. teach them when needed to accept responsibility for

their actions and make sure to compliment them when needed.

14. Do not make excuses: “The teacher/coach does not like me” is a familiar

excuse …. in the end, coaches/teachers like children that work hard, are

coachable, have a great attitude, show perseverance, are a good

teammate, know how to deal with success and failure …. teach your child

to show the coach these attributes.

* Some suggestions to how you might use this or a similar document:

a) Add it to your parent/player guide if you have one.

b) Hand it out and go over it during a parent meeting.

c) Send it home.

d) Have your A.D. mail it to all parents of athletes.

e) See if it might be included in the student handbook.

f) Include it in your home game programs.